Analyzing Twitter: The Hipster Taking Full Effect

Since I know everyone and everything that can blog on this planet (Dog with a Blog) is talking about the newly crowned Stanley Cup Champions the Chicago Blackhawks, I don't particularly want to. I mean, I could spend about a page and a half explaining how a few lucky bounces and an expertly lucky play got the Blackhawks those two goals in 17 seconds, and essentially the Cup. I could write three paragraphs on a psychological analysis of Tuukka Rask and how he breaks down and dies a little bit in between goals...obviously. I mean, we all expected a milk crate, right? Or, like a WWE Smackdown match between him and Crawford in the handshake line?

Regardless, the shortened 2012-2013 NHL season is done, and now in the off-season the fan masses will be bored to tears with various stories and articles about nothing in particular. So I figured why not kick it off early?

So while I was busy being a bored part of the fan mass, I browsed Twitter all day before work, and came across some curious findings, and I thought I'd share to entertain.

First and foremost, the Philadelphia Flyers. Not the actual @NHLFlyers, but the various twitter accounts related to it.

#1: Zac Rinaldo, Left Winger for the Flyers and apparently also named Kanye West. Maybe his middle name is North....

#2: Ilya Bryzgalov, infamous goalie and critic of the media. 

Why you heff to be mad? Well, Bryz doesn't even have himself in a Flyers jersey. Like an angry child not talking to their parents to prove a point. So obviously, you heff to be mad. 

#3: Bernie Parent, motivational speaker extraordinaire, and the best goalie the Flyers ever had. He's pretty great, follow him. 

 But the cool thing is who he follows. Just look at this list: 
I mean, look at this. Tebow! He follows Tim Tebow and Kim Kardashian! Like, why? Doesn't matter. It just made him cooler.

Now, moving away from the Flyers. They may be the teenage girls of the NHL, but no need to pick on them. These next two were recommended to me by my wonderful editor, who thinks that finding funny things on twitter is his job. Regardless, these are worth the follow:

#4: Condescending Torts, a hilarious parody account of John Tortorella. His name changes every once in a while, now Riot Maker Torts. Subtly suggesting the rioting that will happen in Vancouver on his recent hire there.

#5: Chara's Ego, another hilarious parody account to follow the Big Guy through the Playoffs. Most notably extremely cocky and now a Red Sox fan. Easy follow for any Boston fan. 

Well, so there ya go folks. Just make sure to not be too bored this off-season. Take up another sport, like... well, I guess all that's left is baseball. Ah, just give it a shot. It can be like hockey too. You know, really... I honestly don't even have a comparison. Just leave it on in the background while you play NHL 13 and sob. 

A Show Of What's To Come

Just so you all know, I very rightly enjoy cartooning. Sometimes I think it gets my point across more acutely than words will, and more quickly at that. So, as of today, I'll be uploading my little doodles to be a sarcastic butt-hole while the professional world of sports rambles on. If it ever ends, I'll be out of a job and a life. And here is my proof. 

The NFL-- my favorite thing is the hatred of Eli Manning from Tom Brady. 

Bill Belichick is Satan. No one will convince me otherwise. Oh, and rainbows.

My Significant other and I. He's a Boston boy, and I rightfully hate him for it. And angry Chara is funny.

My two favorite Podcasters, Marek and Wyshynski. They are my inspiration. 

What is my life? Angry Kari Lehtonen. 

Minnesota's Playoff Run: Why Hockey Fans Will Eat Their Words

Jonathan Toews loses a faceoff to Captain Mikko Koivu Source: Bleacherreport.com

Only eleven days into the NHL playoffs, and some fans are already being shown that anything can happen in post season hockey. Literally. Anything.

The San Jose Sharks have swept for the first time in their franchise history, the Canucks are first round exits, the Maple Leafs are still in the game, the Senators are moving on past the Canadiens, and the Minnesota Wild made it to the first round.

Some would argue that the Maple Leafs and the Senators presence outweighs the Wild's first round exit, especially because the Senators are already moving on, and the Maple Leafs could easily over power the Boston Bruins, something that, a few seasons ago seemed impossible for Toronto to do. However, the fact that Minnesota made it to the playoffs is a feat all in its own.

Recovering from some of the worst seasons in it's history since the creation of the team in 2000, Minnesota went 26-19-3 this season to clinch the 8th spot in the Western Conference, barely squeezing into the playoffs, but definitely being there.

Chicago Blackhawks center Jonathan Toews (19) is defended by Minnesota Wild defenseman Justin Falk (44) as he shoots the puck on goalie Darcy Kuemper (35) during the third period at the United Center. Source: fansided.com

Minnesota has never been a huge presence in the NHL, despite the states proud hockey history and their excellent college hockey programs. The biggest accomplishment the Wild have gathered is their lone Division Championship during the 2007-2008 season. Since then, the state has had to deal with disappointing 10th place seasons with mediocre draft picks, and the most exciting news of Zach Parise coming to the team.

However, some of these disappointments were liberated after Minnesota made the playoffs, even though they were a first round exit with only one win against the powerhouse that is Chicago. That one win is enough for Minnesota fans to be proud of the progress that their team is achieving.

But, it's unfortunate that some fans have to bite their tongues, because while they are ready to congratulate Minnesota, they also have to realize how poorly they treated them in the past.

"By the way, the Wild aren't winning the Stanley Cup this year. I bet they don't even make it to the playoffs. But that's another story entirely." said a certain blogger you all know.

Yes, it was me. I said the Wild weren't even going to the playoffs, and I was wrong. You are all my witnesses.

So now, Minnesota, I congratulate you, and eat my words.

Enjoy the rest of the NHL playoffs everyone.

It's a Great Day for Hockey. 

NHL Hockey: Concentrate on Winning the Second Half

As Bear Bryant once famously said, "Don't give up at halftime, concentrate on winning the second half." And that's pretty much all that hockey players and fans can do at this point. With only 48 games to play in the season left from the lockout, the NHL teams have half the time to work for that three and a half foot trophy that is the oldest in North American sports; The Stanley Cup.

The Blackhawks defeated the reigning Stanley Cup Champions

26 teams played today, for a total of 13 games sure to keep most (if not all) hockey fans content with their lives.

Games included:

NJ-NYI 2-1
PIT-PHI 3-1
COL-MIN 2-4
OTT-WPG 4-1
CHI-LA 5-2
NYR-BOS 1-3
TOR-MTL 2-1
WSH-TB 3-6
CAR-FLA 1-5
DET-STL 0-6
CBJ-NSH 3-2
PHX-DAL 3-4
ANA-VAN 7-3

Aging Martin Brodeur picked up a key win in today's game versus the Islanders

Now anyone who even knows a moderate amount notices that some of those scores are not what is normally predictable. St. Louis shutting out Detroit? Toronto beating Montreal? Anaheim crushing Vancouver? And these are not pre-season games, sparing fans the pain of how terrible their 3rd and 4th lines are. These are the big games, with the starting lineups.

With the depart of Nicklas Lidstrom, Detroit was still expected to be a superior performance in this season, while the New Jersey Devils were expected to fall with the elderly Martin Brodeur in the crease. Pittsburgh defeated Philadelphia with the return of Wunderkid Sidney Crosby. Philadelphia appears to still have some goaltending problems in the way of Ilya Bryzgalov.

Detroit suffered a surprising shut out versus St. Louis; conference rivals

In perhaps the biggest upset of the day, the Chicago Blackhawks defeated the reigning Stanley Cup Champions, the Los Angeles Kings, possibly showing their prowess to obtain the Cup once again in the 2000s. Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane, as well as Marian Hossa and goalie Corey Crawford showed true teamwork and offensive talent, enough to take on the league for the remainder of the 47 games.

Once again, the favorites to win the Cup include San Jose, Vancouver, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh and Boston. The West could come away with the trophy again, but as everyone knows, game 1 is far to early to be making predictions, regardless of the lack of games.

It's a Great Day for Hockey.

Down But Not Out: NHL Hockey Has Returned

Hockey is Home boys! 

Welcome home hockey fans. Brian Burke was finally fired, the Southeast teams are getting more dangerous, and Gary Bettman uttered his third apology for an NHL lockout. But, as any hockey fan can attest, the NHL is back, and better than ever. With a 10 year contract and 8 year opt-out, it will be a long, good while before fans have to deal without their beloved sport again.

Because in all honesty, 3 lockouts in a hockey fans lifetime is really ridiculous. Kids born in the early nineties raised off of their parents gushing about the likes of Gretzky and Lemieux and Yzerman and Howe became huge hockey fans, and have had to suffer 3 lockouts.

Let's put this into perspective, for those fans outside of hockey.

In the past 40 years there have been a total of 16 strikes and lockouts among the four major sports. This includes eight in Major League Baseball , three in the National Hockey League, three in the National Football League and two in the National Basketball Association.

Now, before all the baseball fans come bitching out of the woodwork, there was only one time a season was cancelled, and that was the 2004-2005 NHL lockout. True, the MLB lost a World Series, and the NFL lost  all but 9 games in 1982. See, the sympathy is available, but for hockey fans, it's just not acceptable. Three lockouts in a lifetime, including the loss of an entire season is just unimaginable. 

However, now the 2012-2013 NHL season is on. All of the planes for the next week or so will be filled with Russians, Finns, Americans, Canadians, and Swedes alike, coming back to the league that matters. (Although the KHL was pretty entertaining, and I feel bad for all the Russians with KHL season tickets who will show up to a team with just Ilya Kovalchuk.) Gary Bettman is the most hated man in hockey, Zach Parise is back in Minnesota, and the NHL still gets to bask in the glory of Martin Brodeur for one more season. 

Hockey is back, fans, so turn of that NFL 32, and pull out those dusty jerseys from the closet. 

Turning Point: For Better or For Worse?

Yesterday, the 12th day of the lockout, the NHL cancelled its entire preseason in a move that has left a great many Canadian-Americans very sad. (See left)

The players are still signing European contracts, the most recently being Tavares signing with a Swiss team and previous Norris Trophy winner Erik Karlsson signing to the Finnish League.

Basically, everything is falling apart. But, today the League subsequently announced that their labor talks will resume in New York giving everyone false hope.

Now, I don't like to be cynical. I'd love to see this article and believe that these will be the talks to end the lockout, but it's just not true. First of all, these talks aren't even about the main issue. Instead, they are debating on how to split the $3 billion annual revenue, according to ESPN. Secondly, many big names have given up hope and joined the sister European leagues, thus causing many fans to give up hope. I mean, I don't know about the rest of you, but I've already got my KHL streams and my SM Liiga subscription.

While it is true that the regular season has not been touched, and is still scheduled for October 11, the league's subsequent actions are sending a very clear message: there will be no NHL hockey this year.

But, at least official harmony was restored to the NFL.

I Want You Back: NSYNC Narrates the NHL Lockout

As I'm sure anyone with a pulse has realized, the NHL is going to be locked out. Nothing you, or I, or that crazy Vancouver Canucks fan does can stop the savage take over of the season. I feel your pain, I really do. Every few days they throw us a bone on ESPN: Players file for Injunction, Everyone loses hope. We're talking, but haha, screw your hopes and dreams. This is going to be a decennial thing now! As if this is something we as hockey fans are supposed to be excited about.

Regardless, the nitty gritty of the Lockout goes something like this:

Bettman: It's my money and I need it now!
Owners: It's OUR money and WE want it now!
Players: I like money. I like hockey too... decisions.
Owners: They are deceiving and disobeying us! Lockout for reasons!
Then lockout occurs. It is super effective at crushing hearts and souls across Canada and America.

One solution was Greg Wyshynski's suggestion that hockey fans across both countries have a movement in the way of "Occupy the NHL Store" which not only pokes fun at the capitalism of the thing, but also would be a pretty prevalent place in New York in which to draw some serious media attention. I think it's a good idea.

(You read nothing, I am not supporting this in any way that would later result in me not being hired by any sports network.) 

If you want more information, any ESPN story lays it out pretty well. These deadlines are not being met and for some reason, no one can play nice and compromise. All of those lessons in Kindergarten about sharing were complete crap. If you complain about money, you get it, no matter who suffers. Real world lessons here guys.

So whether you are a casual fan, or you bleed your teams' colors, this is going to hurt you one way or another. So please excuse me while I sob quietly in the corner into my Zach Parise jersey. By the way, the Wild aren't winning the Stanley Cup this year. I bet they don't even make it to the playoffs. But that's another story entirely.

Shout Out: Hockey fans are Hipsters, and I'm going to be a Professional

Remember how earlier I said I wanted us as American citizens to ensue wide sweeping stereotypes? Well I didn't really mean do that! But it seems that since anyone these days can blog about anything (talking about myself here) they did.

Here is an article that suggests that someone is extremely unhappy and albeit a bit butthurt that some people who call themselves hockey fans are somewhat uptight.

Well, from what I gather from both the genius comments below and the amazing layout of the post, this guy has something against hockey fans. He calls himself a "casual viewer" watching a total of 3 games of the playoffs, probably the team to match the city of whatever his favorite football or basketball team is. And I am here to say, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He also states that "casual views" will help save the NHL from being on Versus, even though they have other stations, and the playoffs are shown on NBC every year.

But there is an issue with how he defined all of the fans as "Hipsters". And anyone that doesn't know what a Hipster is, here: (Even though I don't think you get why this blog is funny then)

Referring to young people of around 18-30 years of age, who drink cheap beer (most often Pabst Blue Ribbon, on occasion Budwiser), smoke Parliaments, Lucky Strikes or hard to obtain foreign cigarettes (such as Gauloises) and take recreational drugs, coke being the most popular. Use a great deal of sarcasm, claim to be ironic. Are usually less than 5% body fat, drink copious amounts of coffee and eat children's cereal. Listen to Indie Rock, rely heavily on Pitchfork Media to tell them what's cool. Don't dance at concerts. Wear a mixture of thrifted clothing and items bought at American Apparel (commonly Tri-blend v-necks) and Urban Outfitters. Extremely tight jeans worn by both sexes, pairing these with either a band or b-movie t shirt and a plaid shirt/v-neck and a cardigan along with Nike hi-tops/Vans/Keds. Females often wear retro style dresses and racerback tank tops without bras. Eschew public transport and instead choose to ride fixed-break bikes. Often claim to know about literature and film - will have googled a good deal of Vonnegut and French New Wave cinema.

So there you have it. They basically like everything no one else does in an effort to be different. And here is his definition of why Hockey fans are Hipsters:

They love something that has been wildly unpopular for so long and they cannot STAND anybody enjoying the sport casually like it’s mainstream. Its exactly like the Brooklyn hipsters who are like “I liked the band before they got popular.” Now that the NHL has made a bit of a comeback and there’s some new viewers, or every time baseball/football/basketball fans pay attention for playoff hockey, they get so fucking angry and spiteful and they climb up on their High Horses.

Hmm. First piece of incorrect information: Most hockey fans do not care if their sport is unpopular. It is their sport, and they will love it forever. Second piece of incorrect information: The NHL hasn't made a bit of a comeback. Unless he's talking about the lockout, which he is, and that happened in 2004-05. So not only is it incorrect, it's outdated. Third piece of incorrect information: While some population of the hockey world will do this "climb up on their high horses" most of them will not, I being one.

So, in conclusion, if you don't know what you're talking about, don't blog about it, and don't ensue wide sweeping stereotypes. Because even if they are sometimes true, you just look like a huge jerk.

(Oh, and out of all the pictures of fans you choose the "Hockey lovin' homos?" Nice try, but we all thought they were fantastic. You probably don't get why, we're too underground for you.)

A Typical Shanahan Drama: Courtroom Style

I imagine that situations involving a player and Shanaban with his totalitarian rule are extremely dramatic, much like an episode of Law & Order. I picture a courtroom; dimmed, with that hint of montage and drudgery, with the player cupping his face with both his hands like he was just sentenced to death. Then before Shanny bans them, they're allowed one phone call, and this is how it would go. Just set it to the tune of "Payphone" by Maroon 5 with Wiz's rap in there somewhere:

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

Grand, I, I know it's hard to remember,
How Broad Street used to be
It's even harder to picture
That Shanny's here next to me

He says it's too late to fix it
but is it too late to try
And in that time that he wasted
All of my press, it burned down

I crossed the blue line
He turned on a dime
Now he's paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it check,
But even my head was up the whole time

I'm in his office, trying to call home
All of the hits I made tonight
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Oh, he turned his back on my pleading
'Cause he forgot that he played
I gave him a speech to remember,
but he just waived it away

You can't expect to give me a fine,
I don't expect you to, fella
I know I've said it before,
But I'm really not John Tortorella

I crossed the blue line
he turned on a dime
Now he's paralyzed
Still stuck in that time
when we Called it check
But even my head was up the whole time

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Man, fuck this shit
I'll be out, checking all these bitches
While you're sitting around judging
Why it wasn't you who scored this much,
Made it back from the glass
Now when you see me I'm boarding,
And all those D-men quake

Telling me that I owe you
Or whatever you call it
Fine the contract you bitch
So you never could call it
Don't need a ref's opinion
You can tell that they're blind anyway

Slap, what a shame could have let me go
Had a really good career but missed your last shot
So you could talk about how you're at the top
NHLPA but sad to say it's over for
Yzerman pulled up, GM status open
Shanny like go away, I don't owe you money
so shove it up your asshole

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Now I'm in trouble...

Why Mike Babcock has not won the Jack Adams Award

The NHL defines the trophy as "the National Hockey League coach adjudged to have contributed the most to his team's success." Now, as the pattern can be observed, it is usually awarded to a coach who doesn't have, say, the most successful team, but gets them to a position that people did not previously believe they could attain. Therefore, people attribute the success to the coach, and only the coach.

But there is a severe problem with this. No matter what happens, an organization is a team on the ice. No one person can attribute success, and no one person can take it away. Its just like when people defend their goalie. A goalie can let in goals, sure, and people may say its that goalies fault the team lost the game. But there is more than one way to look at it. The defensemen could have blocked more shots, they could have cleared the zone more. The forwards could have provided a scoring cushion allowing the goalie to give up more. Bottom line, the entire team wins, the entire team loses.

The same can be said for coaches. Fred Shero won the first Jack Adams award in 1973-1974 as the coach contributing most to his team's success. The Philadelphia Flyers won the Stanley Cup that season. John Tortorella won it as the Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning in 2003-2004. Tampa Bay won the Stanley Cup that year. Now, one could assume that the coach was one of the only attributes to their success, but that is simply ridiculous. The team that wins the Stanley Cup is the best team in the NHL, as everyone should know. So these two scenarios are the perfect Jack Adams awards. A legendary coach with amazing players and the two combine to an extreme victory, the most severe of such is the Stanley Cup.

So why hasn't Mike Babcock won the Jack Adams? For nearly 8 seasons (how long has Nick Lidstrom been playing?) he has set up beautiful plays for his amazing players. Neither can be attributed to the sole success of the Detroit Red Wings, but it is obvious Mike Babcock is a huge piece in the puzzle of one of the best NHL teams in this decade.

Now, I'm not saying the coach of the Stanley Cup winning team needs to win the Jack Adams by default. I'm not saying the last team in the league's coach cannot win the Jack Adams. All that this definition points to is that it is difficult to judge a team without their coach and to judge a coach without their team.

Do Goalies have to keep with the trend of Bigger and Badder in today's NHL setting?

It's been an avenue of speculation for years, since the 1980s of small, fast players seems to be coming quickly to an end. Especially with the draft on its way, and every radio, talk show, podcast, NHL station pondering, does an organization need a giant in between the pipes to ensure victory?

Well, if the facts are assembled, goalies in the NHL don't really deviate from 74 inches (or 6'2") so it can be hard to imagine. Only one goalie under 6" is in the top 10 of the NHL and at 5'11" that man is Tim Thomas. Only two others break the top 30 of wins and they are also slightly away from 6" at 5'11"; Jaroslav Halak and Jose Theodore. 

With the top goalie for the regular 2012 season being an enormous 6'5" it's no wonder GMs and Coaches yearn for a tall, thick goaltender between the pipes. But, what happens when you bring statistics into the game? Does it level the playing field for shorter, less physically intimidating goaltenders? Or, does it just reenforce what experts have been saying for the last 15 years? 

When data is gathered, taking into account the top 60 goaltenders in the NHL, and ranking them by their Wins divided by their Games Played (so W/Gp) you get a pretty even spread of guys from 5'10" to 6'6". It seems like a stretch, but out of 60 people, a deviation of only about 1 and a half inch on average isn't too shabby. Then, cut that list in half, and have your "top 30 goalies" and your "bottom 30 goalies". That way, we can test if height really does matter, or, if it's just a speculation with no math to back it up. 

I converted height to inches, just for the sake of testing. The top 30 goalies averaged 73.8 inches, or about 6'1.8" and the bottom goalies were around 73.6 inches, or around 6'1.6". On paper there is a difference, but is that .2 of an inch significant enough to say that goalies need to be taller in order to perform better?

I ran the data in two separate lists through a 2-sample T-test. This uses the mean, standard deviation and degrees of freedom to determine if goalies over 6" are better at their job. The data was as follows:

 

where t = .475

and p = .318

Now, I won't bore you with tedious details, but interpreting this basically means that goalies DO perform better when they are above the height 6". Now, as anyone who knows anything about statistics will know, there are a number of things wrong that we can't COMPLETELY trust these results. 

For one, I only used the top 60 goaltenders in the NHL. So the results can only account for the goaltenders in this league. Secondly, it's obvious this belief has been held in the NHL for a very long time, therefore the average height of 6'2" says something. Organizations aren't thinking just now that they need to draft bigger goaltenders. It's been happening for a while. Thirdly, to really hit a point home, the data for all goaltenders drafted in 2012 would have to be used in comparison to the NHL goaltenders.

However, for now, it seems as if the bigger the goalie, the more the team wins.

Why the Devils should have just let the Kings sweep

No one should be happier that the Devils actually won a game against L.A. However, everyone is so nearsighted in the NHL Playoffs, seldom anyone realizes the series is in for a long run.

First, before opinions are spread, let's look at the facts.

Game 1: LA- 2 NJ- 1 OT
One of the most boring games of any series. (Ever.) New Jersey's goal was pretty illegitimate, and Marty wasn't looking as hot as he did for Games 2 and 3, especially not 4. Jersey seemed scared of LA's big bodies, and couldn't establish their forecheck well.

Game 2: LA- 2 NJ-1 OT
As the Devils could have won due to their sudden aggression, they obviously didn't (and as people should realize, this is the playoffs. Where the calls are made up and the points don't matter) and were again, too intimidated by LA's defensive core and still didn't establish their forecheck. Still, they could have pulled out, and the game could have been decided either way in overtime from a bad bounce. At this time New Jersey still hasn't put forth a legitimate goal.

Game 3: LA- 4 NJ-0
Marty Brodeur is the only reason that Jersey didn't spontaneously combust at how well LA was playing offensively. Oh, Wayne Gretzky was also there. So the second Devils game he ever watches, and they still appear to be as bad as the 13-4 loss back in 1982-83 to the Edmonton Oilers. "Well, it's time they got their act together, folks. They're ruining the whole league. They had better stop running a Mickey Mouse organization and put somebody on ice." -- Wayne Gretzky

Game 4: LA- 1 NJ- 3
Don't get too excited. Kovalchuk managed and empty netter, so it's not that drastic of a win, and is still injured as Parise get's his ankle destroyed. However, on the other hand, Martin Brodeur is the star of the show and is absolutely phenomenal all 60 minutes stopping 21 of 22 shots with a .955 save percentage. This obviously prolongs the Stanley Cup winner one more game.

But in regards to that, does New Jersey really have enough skill to win 3 more games to clinch the Stanley Cup for a fourth time? Of course they don't. That wasn't a rhetorical question. Jersey is too tired, too injured, and too disorganized in their forecheck to beat LA in 3 straight. They had enough passion and drive to prolong it one game, to rid Devils fans the embarrassment of a reverse 1995 sweep, but the team is in no position to beat LA three more times.

So honestly, they should have just allowed a sweep. I'm sure it's no secret to the team that they don't have enough energy to have Marty backstop them three straight. Besides, Quick is still untouchable on the road, and when the Kings get that one last win, it will more likely than not be in New Jersey. And awarding the Stanley Cup on the road, well, that's just awkward.

Give Marty a Break Petition:

Just sign it. Sign it and put the damn man out of his misery. In case anyone didn't know, this is Martin Brodeur, the goaltender. The winningest goaltender in NHL history. Notice this says winningest. Not scoring-est. He cannot lead a team through the playoffs. It's rather confusing as to why the team on the ice in front of him believes that it's okay.

Of course this will create a chain reaction that would rival the atomic bomb of Devils fans chirping on twitter or any other rather irritating form of social networking.

"It's not Marty's fault!"

"It's not Marty's fault!"

Good job, you recognize it's not the goalies fault. Here, have a cookie. Now, if the attention is directed to what they are lacking in that statement, it would remold itself to look something like this (which by the way, is less than 160 characters, just saying):

"It's not Marty's fault! Our defense is asleep and our offense is injured, doubleshifted and really, really selfish!"

In fact, it leaves 22 whole characters left! So they could get creative and add something about how Kovalchuk needs to sit his injured ass on the bench and let DeBoer doubleshift someone who has the energy to be double shifted. Possibly better defense? Possibly anyone but that damned Russian?

Regardless, someone needs to get their act together. For God's sake, Wayne Gretzky is in the building. Can anyone smell a repeat of "Mickey Mouse organization?" It's just a damn shame that the goalie getting stomped on is the greatest netminder to set foot on the ice.

Hockey Hugs: An Appreciation

It's come across the attention of many, especially in the times of the playoffs, that hockey fans have become very violent. Which, in retrospect, is rather ridiculous. So, it came time to remind those fans of the good in hockey. And what better way is there to prove goodness than a hug?

Nicklas Lidstrom: What more is there to speculate?

Everything has been said about this man! Every single year, he plays to win the Cup, and often, he wins it! 20 seasons in the NHL and as I'm sure you all know, his legacy, his records, his achievements, are literally unmatched. They're barley unmatched by Bobby Orr, who is the games greatest defenseman. But, I'm sure you all know that.

But, for the sake of pretty things, here are some graphs to show just how ridiculous Nicklas' records and accomplishments are.

 It's pretty miraculous, speaking. But seeing him line up with other D-men, especially since he did what took some of them many seasons, in only 20. Only getting beaten in seasons by Bobby Orr and Denis Potvin.

But, not looking at records, instead looking at the second graph, of Penalty Minutes of all time. Not only does he have nearly a fourth of what Paul Coffey racked up in his 20 some odd NHL seasons, he has nearly halved everyone else's total. So I guess that's what's to expect from one of the classies players in the league. I suspect that he would have won the Lady Bing Trophy if it wasn't for that darned Bastard Pavel Datsyuk.

Just Kidding. Sort of.

Violence in Hockey: Fake or Fake?

Since Slapshot is gracing itself on my television set right now, I figured a commentary and possibly a discussion on hockey's violence would be in store for this evening.

Obviously hockey purists are well known for hating fighting in any way shape or form (much the same conservatives are known for hating abortions, with the same vigor) but is this violence in hockey what we used to see back in the days of the Broad Street Bullies, or, was it ever what we thought it was at all.

First, calling into question the frequent rumors and nay-sayings of sports fighting. As any heavy sports fan knows, especially ones that are ridden with fights (such as hockey obviously is) anywhere from bickering to chirping to actual glove dropping and face beating, are often subjects of the question of reality.

Are hockey fights real?

There are obviously two ways to look at it. One, they are real, and the emotions of players come out on a violent scale or two, they are fake as can be, and the players use logic and their observations to take on a player to get ratings and popularity and a great many stories written about them.

Now, if either of these is a possibility for you, you're not a hockey fan. Or, rather, you don't understand the game. I don't like to be that guy who thinks they know the definition of a hockey fan or whatever, but there is a certainty of common sense that I believe should be applied to, well, anyone with a pulse.

Hockey is a sport of emotion. Its hard to debate that. So its also hard to debunk the theory that hockey fights are red blooded emotion. But they aren't just emotion. Factually speaking, hockey players are also smart, and strategic. Maybe not as much as, say, coaches, but they still have to know their own game. That being said, as well known by anyone in the hockey universe, a fight is a 5 minute major, if it's bad enough, a game misconduct and ejection.

So that leaves the theory that there is a certain strategy to fighting. That said, it's probably a broad one, leaving players open to fight who they want and when they want, within reason.

So no Eberle versus Chara anytime. Unfortunately.