A Typical Shanahan Drama: Courtroom Style

I imagine that situations involving a player and Shanaban with his totalitarian rule are extremely dramatic, much like an episode of Law & Order. I picture a courtroom; dimmed, with that hint of montage and drudgery, with the player cupping his face with both his hands like he was just sentenced to death. Then before Shanny bans them, they're allowed one phone call, and this is how it would go. Just set it to the tune of "Payphone" by Maroon 5 with Wiz's rap in there somewhere:

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

Grand, I, I know it's hard to remember,
How Broad Street used to be
It's even harder to picture
That Shanny's here next to me

He says it's too late to fix it
but is it too late to try
And in that time that he wasted
All of my press, it burned down

I crossed the blue line
He turned on a dime
Now he's paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it check,
But even my head was up the whole time

I'm in his office, trying to call home
All of the hits I made tonight
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Oh, he turned his back on my pleading
'Cause he forgot that he played
I gave him a speech to remember,
but he just waived it away

You can't expect to give me a fine,
I don't expect you to, fella
I know I've said it before,
But I'm really not John Tortorella

I crossed the blue line
he turned on a dime
Now he's paralyzed
Still stuck in that time
when we Called it check
But even my head was up the whole time

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Man, fuck this shit
I'll be out, checking all these bitches
While you're sitting around judging
Why it wasn't you who scored this much,
Made it back from the glass
Now when you see me I'm boarding,
And all those D-men quake

Telling me that I owe you
Or whatever you call it
Fine the contract you bitch
So you never could call it
Don't need a ref's opinion
You can tell that they're blind anyway

Slap, what a shame could have let me go
Had a really good career but missed your last shot
So you could talk about how you're at the top
NHLPA but sad to say it's over for
Yzerman pulled up, GM status open
Shanny like go away, I don't owe you money
so shove it up your asshole

I'm at an ice rink, trying to call home
All of the hits I made on you
Where have the times gone, Shanny it's all wrong
Where are the fines subject for two?

If "Hockey Ever After" did exist,
I would still be checking them like this
All those GM's lies are full of shit
One more stupid game, I'll break my stick

Now I'm in trouble...

Koekkoek means Cuckoo in Dutch: And Other Awesome Draft Pick Names (ROUND 1)

It's no question the NHL is full of Europeans and extremely European sounding names. And it's no question that they're far more interesting than the white names in basketball and the just plain made up names in football. But seriously, where do some of these names come from? I have taken the liberty to make a guide of some of the extremely strange and awesome names from the NHL Draft this year and their meanings.

Slater Koekkoek, Tampa Bay, 10th Overall, First round: Slater is an old English name meaning the "hewer of Slates" meaning a person who creates slates with an axe. Basically an extremely badass name. But his surname is what turns heads. Koekkoek  is a Dutch name meaning "Cuckoo". A crazy man with an axe? sounds like a hockey player to me!

Zemgus Girgensons, Buffalo, 14th Overall, First round: One of the few Latvians in the NHL system now, Zemgus is a powerful Center who will be a great asset to Buffalo's third or fourth line when he's ripe. But it's a pretty ridiculous name that is going to have announcers in stitches; of embarrassment. He spoke about his name on the Hockey Hotline, and expressed the rarity of his first name. Girgensons as the internet's information goes, is a mystery.

Brady Skjei, New York Rangers, 28th Overall, First round: Seriously? There are way too many consonants in his last name. I mean, Brady is a good Ol' American boy name, as he is from Minnesota, but how would you even begin to pronounce that? But, I do know the names etymology. Yay for being Nordic and Scandinavian. The name Skjei is an English translation of the Old Norse name Skirnir who in Nordic mythology was a servant of Freyr, the god of Ice. God of Ice? Also sounds like hockey! Maybe there's some sort of secret code to naming your children so they're good at hockey. Conspiracy Theory. 

Teuvo Teravainen, Chicago, 18th Overall, First round: I will now use my worthlessness as a Finnish language speaker to amaze the masses with how cool Finnish and Nordic names are. Now, if you read the Old Norse texts, this name was the moniker of one of Loki's servants (The God of Mischief) and right hand men. If you break the name apart in Norse and older era Norwegian, it's "the worker of the earth" which in the Nordic countries of Norway, Sweden and Finland is either a farmer or a builder. Teuvo on the other hand, is originally a Greek name that was stolen by the Nords (those horned bastards) which means "the gift of God" and here, we don't speak of the Christian God, but of Odin.

Radek Faksa, Dallas, 13th Overall, First round: Don't Czech's have such raspy, rough sounding names? It sounds more intimidating than German if you ask me. Radek was once a ruler of the Czech Republic back before it was Czechoslovakia. The name is a form of Roderick which was also a powerful rulers name, and the name literally means "famous ruler". Faksa doesn't appear to be a Czech surname, but more of something of Dutch origin, probably something translated as Faxa.

Hampus Lindholm, Anaheim, 6th Overall, First round: I don't think I've heard a name this Swedish since Borje Salming played for Toronto. But, if it can't be a Finnish name, it has to be Swedish. They have awesome Etymology and their names are so wrapped in Nordic mythology, you learn a story just by them telling you their name.  Hampus is basically the Finnish Jussi and the English Hank. Many people think that Henrik is the Swedish form of Hank, but that's just a popular nickname. Lindholm literally means "Linden Island" where Linden is a species of tree that is found in the Nordic areas more commonly known as Tilia.

So Round 2 names will definitely be up and around by tomorrow, with Rounds 3 and 4 following soon after.

Why Mike Babcock has not won the Jack Adams Award

The NHL defines the trophy as "the National Hockey League coach adjudged to have contributed the most to his team's success." Now, as the pattern can be observed, it is usually awarded to a coach who doesn't have, say, the most successful team, but gets them to a position that people did not previously believe they could attain. Therefore, people attribute the success to the coach, and only the coach.

But there is a severe problem with this. No matter what happens, an organization is a team on the ice. No one person can attribute success, and no one person can take it away. Its just like when people defend their goalie. A goalie can let in goals, sure, and people may say its that goalies fault the team lost the game. But there is more than one way to look at it. The defensemen could have blocked more shots, they could have cleared the zone more. The forwards could have provided a scoring cushion allowing the goalie to give up more. Bottom line, the entire team wins, the entire team loses.

The same can be said for coaches. Fred Shero won the first Jack Adams award in 1973-1974 as the coach contributing most to his team's success. The Philadelphia Flyers won the Stanley Cup that season. John Tortorella won it as the Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning in 2003-2004. Tampa Bay won the Stanley Cup that year. Now, one could assume that the coach was one of the only attributes to their success, but that is simply ridiculous. The team that wins the Stanley Cup is the best team in the NHL, as everyone should know. So these two scenarios are the perfect Jack Adams awards. A legendary coach with amazing players and the two combine to an extreme victory, the most severe of such is the Stanley Cup.

So why hasn't Mike Babcock won the Jack Adams? For nearly 8 seasons (how long has Nick Lidstrom been playing?) he has set up beautiful plays for his amazing players. Neither can be attributed to the sole success of the Detroit Red Wings, but it is obvious Mike Babcock is a huge piece in the puzzle of one of the best NHL teams in this decade.

Now, I'm not saying the coach of the Stanley Cup winning team needs to win the Jack Adams by default. I'm not saying the last team in the league's coach cannot win the Jack Adams. All that this definition points to is that it is difficult to judge a team without their coach and to judge a coach without their team.

Has Everyone Forgotten About New Jersey's AHL Affiliate?

So the big stink this time around Draft wise is who is New Jersey going to pick for their first round. Should they get a quick, flexible forward for DeBoer to change around to be a catalyst for whichever line he ends up on? Should the get a big, powerful defenseman to protect whatever goaltender ends up in the pipes next year? Should they go the other route, and snag a smaller, Brian Rafalski-type defensman to creep around the rink and make Lidstrom-esque style stoppages without having a huge presence on the ice? Or, as for some reason everyone on facebook thinks, should they draft a goaltender?

Now, I don't want to be a GM here, but I think it's pretty self explanatory as to why New Jersey should draft anything but a goaltender. Bottom line is, there are two things to keep in mind:

1) Jersey has to draft someone eventually, and it honestly doesn't matter if they're first round or not (see Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk).

2) Marty may not retire, Moose probably has some left in him if he resigns, AND there are two very able bodied Goaltending affiliates for Jersey.

 First and foremost, there is the AHL goalie Keith Kinkaid. He's 6'3" and 180 lbs, a big body that can move extremely quickly across the crease. He's 22, so not a wet-behind-the-ears 18 year old, but has some professional experience. And, considering Brodeur will more than likely stick around (maybe not as the goalie coach) but Kinkaid will definitely get the teachings of the greatest goaltender in NHL history. He has kind of a wild, Tim Thomas style of goaltending, so he's not a boring double dropper, but a pad stacker. He's been the MVP of two leagues and a Robertson Cup champion, as well as a Ken Dryden top ECAC goaltender. Plus his nickname is Kinky. That just the best.

Then there is Scott Wedgewood, currently playing for the CHL, drafted 3rd overall by New Jersey. He's 6'1" and 190 lbs, smaller and thicker than Kinkaid, and makes slower and more powerful saves, but very precisely. According to Hockey's future, he's a Journeyman goaltender at 7.5 out of 10. 

"Players not quite good enough to play on the top line or pairing on a regular basis, but still possessing enough talent to contribute offensively, defend with some authority, or competently play the goaltender's position for long stretches."

 So, bottom line, New Jersey does not need another draft pick wasted on a goaltender that will be stuck in the AHL or lower to wait for Martin Brodeur to retire. Once he leaves, they'll have to throw someone in the open spot anyway, and the process of building goaltending will begin all over again.

And seriously, his nickname is Kinky.

Do Goalies have to keep with the trend of Bigger and Badder in today's NHL setting?

It's been an avenue of speculation for years, since the 1980s of small, fast players seems to be coming quickly to an end. Especially with the draft on its way, and every radio, talk show, podcast, NHL station pondering, does an organization need a giant in between the pipes to ensure victory?

Well, if the facts are assembled, goalies in the NHL don't really deviate from 74 inches (or 6'2") so it can be hard to imagine. Only one goalie under 6" is in the top 10 of the NHL and at 5'11" that man is Tim Thomas. Only two others break the top 30 of wins and they are also slightly away from 6" at 5'11"; Jaroslav Halak and Jose Theodore. 

With the top goalie for the regular 2012 season being an enormous 6'5" it's no wonder GMs and Coaches yearn for a tall, thick goaltender between the pipes. But, what happens when you bring statistics into the game? Does it level the playing field for shorter, less physically intimidating goaltenders? Or, does it just reenforce what experts have been saying for the last 15 years? 

When data is gathered, taking into account the top 60 goaltenders in the NHL, and ranking them by their Wins divided by their Games Played (so W/Gp) you get a pretty even spread of guys from 5'10" to 6'6". It seems like a stretch, but out of 60 people, a deviation of only about 1 and a half inch on average isn't too shabby. Then, cut that list in half, and have your "top 30 goalies" and your "bottom 30 goalies". That way, we can test if height really does matter, or, if it's just a speculation with no math to back it up. 

I converted height to inches, just for the sake of testing. The top 30 goalies averaged 73.8 inches, or about 6'1.8" and the bottom goalies were around 73.6 inches, or around 6'1.6". On paper there is a difference, but is that .2 of an inch significant enough to say that goalies need to be taller in order to perform better?

I ran the data in two separate lists through a 2-sample T-test. This uses the mean, standard deviation and degrees of freedom to determine if goalies over 6" are better at their job. The data was as follows:

 

where t = .475

and p = .318

Now, I won't bore you with tedious details, but interpreting this basically means that goalies DO perform better when they are above the height 6". Now, as anyone who knows anything about statistics will know, there are a number of things wrong that we can't COMPLETELY trust these results. 

For one, I only used the top 60 goaltenders in the NHL. So the results can only account for the goaltenders in this league. Secondly, it's obvious this belief has been held in the NHL for a very long time, therefore the average height of 6'2" says something. Organizations aren't thinking just now that they need to draft bigger goaltenders. It's been happening for a while. Thirdly, to really hit a point home, the data for all goaltenders drafted in 2012 would have to be used in comparison to the NHL goaltenders.

However, for now, it seems as if the bigger the goalie, the more the team wins.