Rock Bottom: San Francisco Giants Sink to Last

By Nick Dominici

As the Giants went down hitless Tuesday night against Cincinnati’s Homer Bailey, there lies a comparison: Which feels worse, being the end-piece of a no-hitter, or falling five games below .500, dead last in the division?

Homer Bailey #34 of the Cincinnati Reds celebrates with teammates after throwing a no-hitter against the San Francisco Giants at Great American Ball Park on July 2, 2013 in Cincinnati, Ohio. The Reds won 3-0. / PHOTO BY JOE ROBBINS/GETTY IMAGES

Harsh words are all that’s left with the Harsh words are all that’s left with the situation at hand. Perhaps San Francisco needs the rock bottom vibe in the clubhouse, as if the only way to go is up. But there is nothing positive about one hit in the past two games, two wins in the last ten games, and a dead last spot in the NL West.
Though San Francisco’s roster contains a few possible All-Stars, with the likes of Marco Scutaro, Buster Posey, and Hunter Pence, a simple vote and three players hitting slightly above .300 is not necessarily a recipe for a Division title.  Baseball is a game where playing both sides of the ball share the same importance. In other words, the two have not come hand-in hand as of today, thirteen days before the All-Star game. To put it one way, the best starter on the Giants this year (Matt Cain) owns a 4.29 ERA; I’ll let you soak that in.

San Francisco Giants starting pitcher Michael Kickham can’t reach an infield single hit by Cincinnati Reds’ Joey Votto in the third inning of a baseball game, Monday, July 1, 2013, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Al Behrman) Photo: Al Behrman, Associated Press

What’ll the next move be, as San Francisco falls officially last in the National League West? General Manager Brian Sabean has decisions to make, as there are countless players and positions to blame for this season’s misfortunes.
Bringing down the jittery rookie Mike Kickham has been one topic, whose three starts alluded to sixteen earned runs, and a loss for each of those starts. Finding another bat as well has become a relevant topic while the Giants’ outfield struggles with injuries.

San Francisco Giants center fielder Gregor Blanco can’t catch a double hit by Cincinnati Reds’ Ryan Hanigan in the third inning of a baseball game, Monday, July 1, 2013, in Cincinnati. (AP Photo/Al Behrman) Photo: Al Behrman, Associated Press

Rock bottom, we will call it, as fans can only wait in hopes that this season is nothing but a horrid dream. Their backs have been against the wall before, resulting in success, but what will it take for these San Francisco Giants to get themselves off the wall? Their move.

The Locker Room Debate

Well, well, well. Here we have it people, the ethical debate of the century. Or of the last 35 yearsanyway. Prima Donna Cherry decided to take two whole minutes to educate the masses and cause a few migraines for poor Ron McLean. So therefore the inter-webs screeched “sexism”! But I believe the world should calm down, put on some thinking caps, and think long and hard about Mr. Cherry’s warning for us. 

It’s obvious to anyone who knows the protocol for a woman in the locker room why there are multiple parties unhappy with multiple aspects of locker room behavior. Basically, for those of you who don’t know, it goes something like this:
1) Professional woman enters locker room full of rowdy, sweaty, fresh out the game naked men.
2) Said woman starts asking questions that could be asked/answered literally anywhere else in the world.
3) Sweaty, naked man can then either: a) answer questions awkwardly because he’s naked. b) answer questions in a cocky fashion because he won and is naked. c) Say something snarky because he’s naked (See Scott Hartnell). d) Be sad because he lost, and naked or e) be filmed and naked. In any of these situations the man will be sexist.
4) Unless the woman does something stupid, everyone takes her side because progressive feminism.
Now, there are many different ways one can approach the prospect of having women in the locker room. I’ve taken the initiative to illustrate those opinions for you:
1) The Chauvinistic Geezer
“It makes me uncomfortable!” said Cherry, upon explaining the first time he had a run in with a female reporter in the locker room. While the woman was completely un-rustled, Canada’s sweetheart didn’t feel the same way. (Which is completely acceptable, by the way).
These people are set in their ways of the “olden days” whatever time period that appears to be. Women should not be in the locker room because women shouldn’t do anything (cough, cough) but men should have free reign of anything because they’re professional. Usually well argued, like Cherry’s case, it appears bigoted and sexist to the newer generations. Honestly they’re just a product of their generation.
2) The Progressive Feminazi
Boom.
So, yeah. Women are the superior sex, men are chauvinistic pigs, they think everything, oppression Olympics– blah blah blah. You’ve heard it all. Anything that’s not equality among genders is feminazi madness, or, whatever.
Regardless, they believe in the empowerment of women in all forms. Women should not only allowed to be in the locker rooms, they should be allowed to be naked too! Any male who makes a snarky comment or anything that is not rigidly professional and ignorant of nudity shall be fired, hung up by his manhood and quartered!
3) The Jockey Fan
Can be male or female, but generally male. Quite similar to the chauvinistic geezer, but in a different light. They think it’s sexy that a woman is asking about the power play among naked men with her hair and make-up all did. 
*This goes hand in hand with the locker room fantasy.
4) The Nihilist
Me. No one should see others naked in a locker room. Ask the questions somewhere else. No gender in question, no ethics in question. It’s uncomfortable and unnecessary.
Yep, seeing people naked is unnecessary. Who would have thought, right?