So the NHL Playoffs are well under way, most recently with a
great Game 7 Chicago win in OT, and have everyone on the edge of their seats.
However, other than the games, there isn't much that’s enjoyable to watch. I
figured that since obviously everyone cares, I’d make a list of my biggest pet
peeves of the Playoffs. I’ll try not to be too whiny and preachy. (Note: some
of these can and may be applicable to older playoffs.)
In descending order:
10) Kathryn Tappen’s existence
Now, before the men of the world lose their minds, hear me
out. As a blonde, female hockey fan, I get it. People want to look at blonde
locks, and big boobs. And sometimes, when I can stand her voice, she does know
what she’s talking about. But to me, she violates my #1 rule of sports
journalism: Asking stupid questions. She’s not the only one guilty, but she just
makes it more annoying than many others. Like, really? You had to ask whether
Boston should be the underdog versus the Pens. Duh. And they make it really
obvious when she’s reading off the Teleprompters. That’s why Sportscenter makes
sure the people are facing each other. It’s an indicator that they are getting
this information from their heads, not the poor writers in the back. Seriously.
She just stumbled over the teleprompter. I can practically see it in her big
vacant eyes.
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| Get away from Melrose until you don't read off a prompt. |
9) The Sidney Crosby Complex
Crosby’s playing again!? He’s scoring again!? Pierre is
still bald!? Let’s all get on our knees in worship. The mighty hockey Jesus has
returned, let’s have all our coverage about him, even though there are tons of
other awesome games and players. He defeated the Islanders and the Senators?
Holy crap. How did he do it? I don’t have anything against Crosby. He’s an
excellent player, he plays well when he’s not injured, and he is becoming a
great leader (I don’t think he started out that way). But I don’t get the
obsession. And to me, it takes away from other players who really deserve the
limelight. Despite Detroit’s loss to Chicago, Jimmy Howard was an excellent
goaltender in the series, and definitely deserves more attention than he got.
Just my two cents.
8) The “history”
The last time the four teams battling it out were the last
four Stanley Cup Champions was 1945!? Because I really needed to know that! I
mean, it’s a neat statistic (Even though there were only 6 teams in 1945…) but
do I need to hear it more than 20 times in a show? No. No one does. Tell me
more about what offense the teams are running, tell me more about the players
and what they need to change/do differently. Do not tell me the same stat over
and over, especially one that doesn't matter. I need to know the Bruins are the
best on the power play, I do not need to know that Quick wore the same colored
boxers last season when he won the Cup that he’s going to wear next game.
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| "Now? No way!" (Zetterberg: Our Savior) |
7) Stupid Questions (especially Behind the Bench)
These can come from ANYONE. Fans, announcers, journalists, Pierre McGuire. Anyone. Especially
Pierre McGuire. It’s my biggest journalistic pet peeve. You have the biggest privilege
in the world, interviewing these people. Why waste your breath? You know they’re
just going to spew the same rehearsed PR b.s. that they always do. Especially
coaches. Do not corner Mike Babcock while his team is losing in a Playoff game
and ask “what’s wrong?” You know what’s wrong! His team is losing and he is
thinking about what to do about it! Quit with the vague crap. Everyone has
heard it. Ask something that will set your story apart. Like “will you be
continuing the same line despite their performance in this game?” or “is there
a concern at this point about being an underdog or are all the remaining teams
matched to some extent?” Ask things that won’t give away too much, but what
will give you a good indication of what is going on in a detailed way.
6) Phone calls to players
This might go hand in hand with the interviews, but does
anyone see any point in interviewing players over the phone and asking vague
questions? Really? Why? We all know what they are going to say. Other than the occasional
slip up and funny line, it’s all the same stuff. Unless you’re going to
entertain the masses by asking funny questions like Cabby does, don’t bother.
5) ESPN being drunk
As if it was ever a secret, the “all-encompassing nature” of
ESPN is anything but that, especially when it comes to hockey. Hockey fans know
they don’t like us. But when you put up a picture from a few playoffs ago, with
a player that hasn't played for the team for a few years, it’s just embarrassing.
Like, really? Troy Brouwer hasn't played for Chicago for a few years. And I’m
pretty sure Howard has a new helmet. And no one in that picture is Brent
Seabrook. For the sake of professionalism, just don’t. No one is going to look
at that story unless they’re hockey fans, and hockey fans are cracked out
enough to notice.
4) Adding “flair” to teams
They are the Boston Bruins. Not the “High flying Bruins”. Just
stop.
1-3) Pierre McGuire
As if anyone thought a hockey pet peeve list would be set into
motion without Lord Cailou, you are sadly mistaken. Everything this man does
gets under my skin. True, he has an encyclopedic knowledge of hockey, he was a
coach, he knows hockey like the back of his hand, but that DOESN’T MATTER NOW.
His play by play action is terrible. He calls penalties that the refs don’t, he’s
creepy, and he’s got more man crushes than a tumblr fangirl. He’s just a mess,
and I can’t stand him. He makes a point to use his French pronunciation of
things, despite being from Jersey, and he calls players by their full names.
Like, no. We call him Chris Pronger. Not Christopher Pronger. And there is
always that ONE player he is whored out to for the whole game. Seriously, we
think Richards is great, but talk about someone else every once in a while. And
just calm down. We all love hockey, but just calm down.
